Active Relationship

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Human beings are the most intelligent of all the animals on earth. Perhaps that is why man is sometimes referred to as the ‘supreme animal’. Mythology has it that when Eve tasted the forbidden fruit (read ‘the divine apple’) and asked Adam to eat the same fruit, both fell in ‘love’ with each other. This angered the God and they (Adam and Eve) were kicked out from the house of God and sent to earth. Someone has rightly said "when the power of love overcomes the love for power, the world will know peace".

In this world full of hatred and evil, if there is something that is keeping us happy, then it is none other than ‘love’. It is important to answer the question "what is love". The English dictionary defines the verb love as ‘to possess powerful feelings of affection for a friend, relative or any other person’. Sexual attraction is also a form of love. Love is not a singular feeling; it is the essence of different mental states, feelings and emotions.

Emotions (read ‘human emotions’) are so complex that even scientists have not been able to decode their exact nature. Even the cycle of emotions is a little difficult to be explained. Nevertheless, the term ‘emotions’ is so vivid in nature that the English Dictionary has at least a few hundred adjectives to cover different colors of emotions.  It is almost impossible to define the term ‘love’. However, it is very much possible to interpret its meaning you take a closer look at human behavior.

Let us throw light on the different shades of love and human emotion. Have you ever wondered how many times you utter the words ‘I love!’ every single day? A child would demand a toy from his mother by either crying (if he is an infant) or by showing his strong will to have that toy. Even when a child does not know how to speak, he can express his feelings very well. Love is the feeling which leads to a lifelong relationship between a man and a woman. Infidelity is not that uncommon a word today.

Love is perhaps the answer to infidelity. The desire to love and to be loved is the most intense of all desires. In general, the term ‘love’ is often believed to be synonymous to ‘physical contact’ or ‘sexual contact’. This belief is erroneous. Had it been so, there would have been no love between an old man and his old wife. I do not say that sexual acts are something unethical. In fact, sex is also an important aspect of love. The four letter word (read love) is the gist of all religions.

There are many who do not understand the difference between love and lust. When a young man sees a young and attractive woman, he thinks he is in love with her. However, the truth is that for love to develop, one needs to spend time with another person. Sexual attraction does not necessarily give birth to love. If love is not sexual attraction, then what is love? In terms of psychology, love can be considered to be a cognitive phenomenon. Love has three aspects namely commitment, intimacy and passion.

Each of these three aspects is crucial for the success of any relationship. The meaning of love changes with age too. For example, the romantic affair between a 16 year old girl and 17 year old boy is completely different in comparison to the relationship between a couple in their mid thirties. Is love a cultural phenomenon? Medical Science has proved that hormones and pheromones influence the brains of human beings when they think of love and/or sex. What are the different types of love? It would be foolish to categorize love as ‘young love’ and ‘old love’.

In general, love can be spiritual and sexual. Sexual acts reflect the desire of human beings to attain physical (as well as mental) pleasure. Perhaps this is the reason why the term ‘making love’ is used in English. There have been many psychologists who have written a lot about various types of love. Speaking of ‘young love’, a couple can keep the flame of love and passion alive forever. True love is hard to find. Lucky are those who have found true love. Next time you think of love, ask yourself ‘what is love’.

“Men are from Mars and women are from Venus” goes the famous saying. It is therefore natural for men and women to be poles apart from each other as far as their emotions, behavioural patterns and habits are concerned. Marriage is a divine relationship. There goes a famous saying that “marriages are made in heaven”. If this is so then why the number of divorce cases are increasing at an alarming rate in almost every part of the world?

If you are facing any difficulty in understanding the man you love, then this article will definitely prove to be of immense help. You might not be able to figure out why your man behaves in a non-committal fashion at times. In general, the popular view is that men find it difficult to express their commitment to their spouses. To some extent, this fact is true. But believing that a man will never be able to commit himself to you is totally unpractical.

It is not that men do not know how to love. The truth is that men have their own unique ways of expressing their love to their beloved. Most of the women die to hear those three golden words (read I Love YOU). And unless a man says those words to his lover, she would not feel content. True love can melt the heart of even the toughest of men. However, you must act sensibly while dealing with your boyfriend or husband. Women must not have a laid back attitude while handling their partners.

Let us now shift our focus to the subject of “understanding what men say”. If you are being unable to understand your man, you do not need to blame yourself. Instead, you must first try to analyze the behavioural patterns of your man. Taking care of his likes and dislikes would help your relationship go a long way. I agree that at times it can be frustrating to try rationalizing the attitude of your man towards you as your relationship advances in age.

Initially, your spouse might shower you with expensive gifts and romantic bouquets of red roses. But as time passes by, your relationship becomes dull and starts lacking that ‘zing’. The moment you start feeling an air of dullness creeping inside your relationship, you need to take the initiative. Taking your man for granted will never help you understand him to the core. If you are good at reading the body language of men, then you would have no problem in understanding what men say.

Try making every date with your man the first date. If you do so, most of your problems will get solved. Men love their women to be good in bed. Sex plays a major role in defining a relationship. A good sex life would ensure a long lasting relationship. Reading books on different sexual positions can also help you woo your man. You must never interfere too much in your partner’s life. Let him breathe freely. The more you try to control him, the more your relationship will suffer.

Men also like spending time with their male friends. You must never make the mistake of bothering your man when he is having fun with his male friends. Just as women like to spend hours gossiping, in the same way even men like sharing their feelings with their male friends. Showering you with gifts might not be the only way through which your man would express his love to you. When a man takes you out for a movie or on a long drive after a day’s hard work, it shows his love for you.

Men are not very good at remembering dates. Women, on the other hand, remember almost every important date. You must stop nagging your man if he forgets a particular date which is important for you. Women pay attention to the smallest detail whereas men have a different approach to judging things. You can learn the art of understanding what men say if you start reading his eyes and body language.

Being good with his friends is important too. Men are quite possessive too. Men always bring ego in relationships. Try not to hurt the self-esteem or ego of our man. If you differ with him over a particular issue, express your opinion politely rather than confronting him. Seeking relationship advice from a marriage counsellor can be helpful too if your relationship is on the rocks.

If you find yourself in a situation that you have cheated on your partner.  Not only do you have to deal with your own emotions  but when the truth comes out you will have one upset individual on your hands. The first thing you may be thinking is No one else knows so I won’t tell. Not a good thought. This could  work out in two ways, the first way is that the guilt would eat away at you until you owned up to it or the person who you cheated with becomes angry and wants to tell your girlfriend or boyfriend. Then you have a worse problem.

The best way to come clean is to sit down with them face to face and tell them the truth. You better think of the reason why you cheated and be prepared to tell them. People always say you told the truth it will workout. That applies most of the time but not really in this case. The truth coming out is best, that part is agreeable but the working out part maybe not so much.

Asking for forgiveness is a hard pill for the offended party to swallow. They will time to process the offense but to follow it right up with forgiveness may not help you. After you are done spilling the truth and your partner has nothing else to say and believe it , they will have something to say and you owe them the courtesy of sitting there and talking what they have to say. They will be mad and they will be upset but you have to let them vent. Some people shut down and have nothing to say they ( if they are women ) will cry.

That is your cue to say I will leave you alone. I am truly sorry I hurt you  and I will call you in a couple of days an d maybe we can talk again. That is when you will ask them to forgive you, you say something along the lines of is there any chance that you will forgive me in time. Then you can see what they say. Don’t give up right away. Understand that they will need time and they will need space from you for a bit. At this point in time  you need to decide what you want because cheating again is not an option , it will mean the end of your relationship. Think about that. Then if they do give you another chance, you have to go slow and regain their trust.

It will not be easy and it will not be a quick thing. Regaining trust is hard and if that person is worth it you will work hard to make it happen. You have to give them as much space as possible, then when they are ready ease back into the relationship. Remember that relationship has changed so diving back in full force is not smart. Maybe go to dinner or a movie and take it one day at a time.

You may not think that there is a right way to end a relationship. But you would be wrong. There is a  right way and a wrong way. The wrong way would be to not ever call that person again and stop taking their calls.  You have to image that you are the other person and the other person is thinking about breaking up with you would you feel so great if someone stopped returning your calls and stopped calling you. If you really were into the person it would hurt you and the goal in any break up is to split as friends. That cannot always be the case but you want to treat that person with as much respect as you want to be treated with.

Another wrong way is to lie to the person for the reason why you are ending the relationship. If they have a habit of being disrespectful then tell them. The reasons why you may be breaking up with the person is due to something that they cannot control. You have heard the phrase honesty is the best policy and sometimes being honest may hurt someone’s feelings but lying to someone is juts as bad.

Another example of right and wrong ways to end a relationship is to break up over text messaging or an email. In all honesty you should be face to face but depending on the reasons why you are breaking up, over phone which at one point was not acceptable is border line. But if the reason why you are breaking up because of a bad temper or something along those lines then you may feel safer over the phone. If you call and get the machine do not break up with someone over an answering machine.

Then you have the very rare occasions of the mutual break up, this doesn’t happen very often in long term relationships but there are those that do experience a stress free break up. Break ups are not easy, they are not easy to get through and they are not easy to do. You don’t want to hurt someone but it has to be. You cannot stay with someone out of guilt or obligation. It would not be fair to either one of you.

You want what is best for you when you end an relationship, you may still have good feelings toward the other person and you may wish them well. But you would be surprised at how many times you hear people are I feel bad and when they say I wanted to break up in June and now it is October but I felt bad  because she was depressed or something came up or whatever happened. Unless a death in the family which would not be a great time to break up with someone. Think about how you affect someone’s feeling before you break up with someone because what comes around goes around.

Ok, you've found him.  It wasn't easy, it took a lot longer than you thought, but finally Mr. Right did emerge from the sea of male faces, and now there's an expensive rock sparkling on your finger.  After all that searching, you'd think it would be time to have some relaxation wouldn't you?  Just enjoy being with this man who adores you and who you want to spend the rest of your life?  Unfortunately, that's not quite going to happen just yet!

As soon as you announce the engagement, your life will never be the same again - unless you take control right from the very beginning.  That doesn't mean that you become some kind of bride-to-be-tyrant, although it's just possible that this might be called for at some point if people are having a hard time accepting that it's not them getting married, but rather it means that you take control of deciding what kind of wedding you and your partner want.  A wedding isn't an excuse for a family reunion.  It's your special day.  The day you want to remember for the rest of your life.  And you need to have people hear how you want it to be!

First of all, discuss it with your partner - before you mention it to anyone!  Preferably before you even tell anyone you're engaged!  Make sure you are both on the same page about the kind of wedding you're going to have.  If you want a small wedding with just a few people, make a list and when you announce the engagement to your parents and close friends, tell them it's to be a small intimate gathering only and this is who will be invited - no exceptions (or you could end up with a small crowd once you start the 'well if you invite x you must invite ?' game.  'if x doesn't come without y', fine, that's a spare place!  On the other hand, if you are both clear about a fantasy wedding with the horse drawn carriage, bouquet tossing, garter ripping, 7-tier wedding cake, then again - decide on how and where you want it to be.

If you're having bridesmaids, hotel venue, and flowers etc, get opinions about dresses, get opinions and reviews from people who've had their weddings at the places your interested in, and find out what flowers stay freshest the longest but you and your partner should decide the actual finer points of the wedding between you.  Don't leave it in someone else's hands, and don't be coaxed into having more than you really want, whether that's in numbers at the reception, or the kind of room decorations.

Financing a wedding can be one of life's most expensive luxuries.  Consider your budget when deciding what kind of wedding you want.  If you have an offer to have it paid for by one set of parents, or the other - or both - check that no strings attached come to that offer as regards how the wedding will be.  Be sensitive to the feelings of anyone trying to be more 'helpful' than you'd like, but be honest about how you feel too.  It's your day - and if you and your partner want to be married barefoot on a Californian beach, or in the largest Cathedral in the State, then you need to get people to accept that that's how it's going to be - local laws and finances notwithstanding!

Moms are usually the most helpful and yet worst at trying to take over the arrangements.  If you're happy with this, that's fine.  If not, have a quiet word with your mom when you first notice it rather than leave it and let the resentment fester until you take out the wedding stress on her two days before the wedding.  She's only trying to help - it may not be the help you want, or need, but she thinks she's doing what's best.  Be diplomatic with her, and anyone else who seems to be taking charge.  Explain that you've got it all under control (if you haven't then you need to make sure you have a plan for that before getting the people doing the organizing to down tools!) and you'd really like to do this yourself.

Make your wedding memorable for the beautiful day you've always dreamed it would be.  Decide on the kind of wedding you and your partner want, and then make sure that you make it happen.  Don't turn it into a family event that everyone remembers because for the 3 months leading up to it, the bride turned into a dictating monster who upset everyone in sight before she walked down the aisle!  Instead let anything go that doesn't directly interfere with the wedding itself, so what if the flowers baskets are the wrong shape if they look good, there are surfers on the beach where you're having the ceremony, great aunt Milly dyed her hair purple, and the hotel double booked you and moved your champagne to a different ballroom, etc.  Remember, as long as you've done your best to arrange the wedding you and your partner want, and you're married at the end of the day, everything else will work out just fine.  Just stay calm, say 'I do', and smile for the photographer!