Active Relationship

Posts Tagged ‘Communication’

Saying 'I love you' to your partner can mean a lot but doesn't really convey very much.  What you need to consider is that 'love' is a verb - a 'doing' word.  So instead of telling the love of your life that you love them, why not show them by your actions!

What is it that your partner craves most?  Is it 10 minutes peace and quiet in the morning to scan the newspaper whilst they drink their coffee?  Think about how you could arrange that for them.  Not every morning, that would start to become a routine.  Rearranging the usual schedule once in a while so that you take a cup of coffee and the newspaper to them in bed as they wake up, and let them enjoy it whilst you take care of the normal morning routine however, is a great way of starting the day with a silent 'I love you'.

Would your partner love to have a bubble bath before bed, but is usually so tired by the time she's finished with the chores that she just jumps into the shower before collapsing into bed?  While she's busy with other things, run that bubble bath for her.  Light a few candles if you have them.  Fluff up a couple of towels; leave a magazine and something to drink near the tub.  Once you're prepared, go and collect her, and leave her to enjoy the soak whilst you finish up whichever chore she was busy with.

Does your partner have a favorite hobby?  When you're doing the grocery shopping add a magazine associated with this to your shopping cart and leave it on their chair to see when they come home.   On a similar theme, if your partner has mentioned wanting to join an association or organization for their hobby but hasn't managed to find the money to do so, put a little money aside each week until you have enough and then send off the application form.  Imagine the surprise when the membership pack arrives!

Is there something that your partner hates to do - for example, washing the car, vacuuming the floor, bathing the dog, etc?  Next time it's time for it to be done, wait until they're out of the way and then do it - no questions, no discussion, no warning - it's just done!

Often the smallest gestures can mean a lot.  For example, running your finger softly down the cheek of your loved one as you pass, or placing your hand on theirs as you sit in a restaurant.  Think about your body language with your partner.  Do you keep out of each other's space outside of intimate moments, or are you obviously a couple wherever you go together?  Whilst public shows of affection aren't for everyone - couples and observers alike - taking your partner's hand whilst you walk through the mall, or opening your partners car door for her and treating her as if she's someone special, shows your partner that you're proud to be with them.  That's another unspoken 'I love you'.

Whilst big gestures such as 'I love you' banners flown from aircraft, weekends at luxury spas or mini-breaks to a different city are very nice, nothing says I love you more than doing something that has added extra work to your day to create a treat for your partner.  Not only do they appreciate that you did this for them, but they also know that you love them enough understand what it is that will make them happy.  That's love, the verb, at work!

One of the most crucial elements in any relationship is communication and when communication breaks down its imperative that you find out the cause of the breakdown so that you can try to fix the problem before it destroys the relationship.  Communication can break down in a relationship for a variety of reasons including the birth of a baby, financial strains and distrust in the relationship.  Regardless of the cause of the communication break down, it is vital to the health of the relationship to reopen the lines of communication.

While the birth of a couple's first child may be a glorious and blessed event that they were both looking forward to, the arrival of a new baby may put strains on the relationship.  Specifically there may be a communication break down after the baby's birth.  There are a number of reasons why communication breaks down after the birth of a baby.  The addition of a new element into the relationship that previously included just the two partners can be stressful.  While they don't regrudge the attention that their partner lavishes on the new baby it does take an adjustment period to deal with the fact that they no longer have their partner's undivided attention.  As the couple learns to balance their time and ensure that both their partner and their child are receiving enough of their attention, there may be a period where the stress of making this adjustment causes a break down in communication.  Also, typically the birth of a baby leads to a complete change of schedule as well as a stretch of sleep deprivation for the couple.  While the couple may have previously been used to doing things as they please, they now realize that most activities must be planned around the baby's schedule which is often unpredictable.  This new scheduled coupled with the lack of sleep that typically plagues new parents can put a great deal of pressure on the relationship.  To avoid this type of communication break down it is important for the couple to realize that they need to allot time to spend with the baby and also with each other.  They also need to realize that the sleep deprivation is affecting them both and take turns getting up with the baby.  These few simple steps can go a long way in reversing or preventing a communication break down.  Although a new couple loves their new baby, the challenge of adapting to the baby's schedule can be one reason why communication breaks down in a relationship and it is up to the couple to ensure that their relationship does not suffer a communication break down.

A concern over financial matters is another reason why communication breaks down.  Struggling with financial issues can be extremely stressful for either one or both partners in a relationship.  If one partner typically handles the finances in a relationship they may not wish to worry their partner so they may struggle internally with the financial concerns.  While this is a noble gesture, it can also cause a communication break down in the relationship.  The one partner may feel that this is a burden they need to bear on their own and therefore avoid talking about the subject with their partner.  The problem with this is that in trying to avoid conversations regarding finances they may end up avoiding conversations all together.  For example, a conversation about where to go out to dinner may be avoided because thinking about spending too much money on leisure activities causes too much anxiety on one of the partners.  The partner who is unaware of the financial concerns may be offended by their partner's avoidance of a simple conversation.  One way to avoid or reverse having a communication break down over finances is to share the responsibility of the finances and openly discuss concerns over financial matters.  Doing this will ensure that neither partner becomes consumed by financial matters and allows it to affect the relationship.  Finances can induce enough stress to destroy even the most secure relationships by causing a communication break down but planning ahead and speaking openly about finances can help a couple to avoid a communication break down.

Distrust is another factor that can affect communication in a relationship.  If one of the partners has a reason to be suspicious of the other it creates a distrust that directly affects communication.  Also, if one person has a reason to feel guilty in a relationship, it may result in a break down in communication.  This lack of trust or guilt often results in the couple not wanting to communicate either because they don't want to have their suspicions confirmed or because they don't want their secret to be revealed.  These feelings of suspicion or guilt may lead to strained conversations that are purposefully not very meaningful.  One way to avoid a break down in communication in this situation is to always be upfront with your partner.  Whether it's suspicion or guilt that is driving your fear of communication, being honest with your partner will alleviate your fears and reopen the lines of communication.  You run the risk of having your suspicions confirmed but it's better to be sure than to destroy your relationship while doubt remains.

Since open and honest communication is critical to a healthy relationship, it's important to understand why communication breaks down and work to avoid a break down in communication.  Having an understanding of the causes of communication break down will help you to either avoid or reverse this situation.  Maintaining or restoring communication can ensure that a relationship endures and thrives.

Listening is an integral part of the communication process but it is also the part that is overlooked most frequently.  Many people spend a great deal of time polishing their speaking skills but put little or no effort into becoming a better listener.  The art of listening really isn't very difficult and you can improve your listening skills in just a few simple steps.

Perhaps the most important tip for being a better listener is to give the speaker your undivided attention.  Be sure to concentrate on the speakers words and resist the temptations to tune out their message.  While speaking on the phone many people participate in other activities such as checking email, reading newspapers and other activities that distract from the conversation.  Even in a face to face situation many listeners zone out by either thinking about their response to the speaker or daydreaming about something completely off topic.  By allowing yourself to be distracted, you are not listening as well as you could be.  Even just a small amount of distraction could result in you missing a critical point of the speaker's presentation.  Focusing 100% on the speaker, however, will ensure that you are listening well and taking in all of the pertinent information.

Part of being a good listener is making sure that everything you hear comes directly from the speaker and not from your interpretation of their words.  This means that as the speaker is talking, listen to the words as they are being spoken instead of trying to guess the point that the speaker is trying to make.  Many people are guilty of jumping to conclusions this way and this hurts their listening ability.  People who do this often don't hear the speaker's message because it is blocked out by their own assumptions.  Good listeners take in information as the words are spoken instead of thinking ahead and forming their own conclusions.

Creating mental images of the speaker's words is another way to become a better listener.  This visualization process allows you to really comprehend the words you are hearing.  Visualization techniques can enhance the way that people process information.  These mental images will help you to retain the information you have just heard and this enhanced comprehension makes you a better listener.

Asking questions that relate to the speaker's presentation can also help you to become a better listener.  It's important to ask questions without allowing the formulation of the questions to interfere with your listening.  If you latch onto one of the speaker's key points and spend the rest of the conversation thinking up a question you will miss a lot of information.  However, if you ask your questions immediately when they arise, you can have them answered in the context of the presentation without having it affect your listening abilities.  Asking questions is an important part of listening because it lets the speaker know that you are following what he is saying and that you are interested in learning more about the topic.

Being mindful of your body language is another way to be a good listener.  Be sure to not engage in body language that tells the speaker that you are not interested in their words.  Crossing your arms, avoiding eye contact and wincing are all ways that you can send a message to a speaker that you are not listening carefully to them.  These mannerisms can result in the conversation being cut short because the speaker does not feel you are interested in what they are saying.

Practicing your listening skills is another way to become a better listener.  Make a conscientious effort to apply your listening skills each time you speak to someone or attend a presentation.  You can practice your listening skills by remaining completely focused on the conversation or presentation, not trying to guess what the speaker is about to say, creating mental images of the spoken words and asking pertinent questions to affirm what you have just heard.  Each time you have the opportunity to listen try to work on these elements.

While listening skills are not as widely practiced as speaking skills, they are just as important to a conversation.  Being a good listener will not only ensure that you are receiving information but will affirm to the speaker that you care about the information being presented and that you understand their message.