Active Relationship

Posts Tagged ‘Ending’

You may not think that there is a right way to end a relationship. But you would be wrong. There is a  right way and a wrong way. The wrong way would be to not ever call that person again and stop taking their calls.  You have to image that you are the other person and the other person is thinking about breaking up with you would you feel so great if someone stopped returning your calls and stopped calling you. If you really were into the person it would hurt you and the goal in any break up is to split as friends. That cannot always be the case but you want to treat that person with as much respect as you want to be treated with.

Another wrong way is to lie to the person for the reason why you are ending the relationship. If they have a habit of being disrespectful then tell them. The reasons why you may be breaking up with the person is due to something that they cannot control. You have heard the phrase honesty is the best policy and sometimes being honest may hurt someone’s feelings but lying to someone is juts as bad.

Another example of right and wrong ways to end a relationship is to break up over text messaging or an email. In all honesty you should be face to face but depending on the reasons why you are breaking up, over phone which at one point was not acceptable is border line. But if the reason why you are breaking up because of a bad temper or something along those lines then you may feel safer over the phone. If you call and get the machine do not break up with someone over an answering machine.

Then you have the very rare occasions of the mutual break up, this doesn’t happen very often in long term relationships but there are those that do experience a stress free break up. Break ups are not easy, they are not easy to get through and they are not easy to do. You don’t want to hurt someone but it has to be. You cannot stay with someone out of guilt or obligation. It would not be fair to either one of you.

You want what is best for you when you end an relationship, you may still have good feelings toward the other person and you may wish them well. But you would be surprised at how many times you hear people are I feel bad and when they say I wanted to break up in June and now it is October but I felt bad  because she was depressed or something came up or whatever happened. Unless a death in the family which would not be a great time to break up with someone. Think about how you affect someone’s feeling before you break up with someone because what comes around goes around.

Calling an end to a relationship isn't easy.  It doesn't matter if you've been together for a few weeks, or many years, you have history with this other person, you have had an emotional connection and have allowed them to get intimately close to you.  This person is someone who at one time you loved with all your heart, and would have trusted with your life.  If you are considering that it's time to walk away from this person, then you're probably right - but before you do, consider the following:

Have you told your partner how you feel about your relationship?  Are they intentionally doing something that you really hate enough to say 'that is it, I am out of here'?  Is it possible that they're unaware of how you feel?  Before you say no, think about it.  Have you actually said to them, I hate it when you do this because it makes me unloved/disrespected/ignored/whatever?  Women in particular are prone to believe that just because they've stomped, sighed and slammed everything in sight for the past few months, that their partners know exactly what the problem is.  Not so!  Many men are completely blindsided when their partners leave them, and when they find out why don't understand why their partner never discussed it with them at a time when it could have been sorted!  Unless they are exceptionally perceptive, or clairvoyant, if you haven't actually sat your partner down and told him why you're mad, he's probably completely oblivious to it.

Are you sure that there's no possibility for compromise?  Sometimes in a relationship both partners get caught up in a power struggle.  It could be over who controls the finances, or who makes the decisions and why, or it could be simply who holds the television remote - chances are if it's the remote control issue that's got you packing your bags, you need to sit down and think about what's really going wrong in your relationship!  Power struggles are most likely to happen in the early stages of a serious relationship these days when both parties are trying to assert their independence and are keen not to be seen as the weaker partner.  Equally, women who have been in a relationship for 20+ years may suddenly find that they are in a power struggle because early in their relationship they accepted the socially accepted role of the male dominant, but society has moved on from there and now these women are finding a voice - a voice that's not familiar or perhaps welcomed by their partner.  In these situations, a compromise can often be reached and the services of relationship guidance professional should be able to get you to see if this is possible for your relationship.  If you still love your partner, you just can't live with the constant battle for power, then this is certainly a relationship that could be saved if you're committed enough to accept a compromise solution.

Are there children involved?  If so, what's best for them?  If you are in a relationship that's abusive in any way for you and/or the children then you should walk without a backward glance.  Yes, children are usually thought to be better with two parents, but not many people believe they thrive in an abusive environment.  Similarly, if you and your partner are constantly fighting, then at least a separation should be considered until you can sort out if you can save your relationship.  A negative home atmosphere isn't healthy for children who begin to act out because of security issues - just be sure to keep enforcing the point that this isn't their fault.

Calling a day on a relationship is one of the hardest things to do.  Leaving a partner you love or loved, perhaps a home you've lived in for some time, and having to start over isn't something that most people do without much thought.  However, fear of that fresh start isn't a reason to stay in a relationship that's making you miserable.  Carefully consider what the real problem is in the relationship.  Talk it over with your partner.  If you don't get the answers that you're looking for, and they aren't interested enough in saving their relationship with you to seek help from a professional counselor, then that's when you know it's time to say 'Goodbye' and move on.