Active Relationship

Posts Tagged ‘Respect’

You're probably thinking that these words are 'I love you' but whilst these words are essential to a lasting relationship, they are not the most essential ones that keep that relationship together.  So, what words could possible be more important?

1. Communication

The most important ingredient in any relationship is communication.  Most relationships break-up because of a breakdown in communication.  It's easy to think that people know what you mean when you say or do something, but that's often far from the reality.  You may think that because you always open a door for your partner, or never go out without them, that they know you love them.  Have you told them that you love them, or do you just assume that they can translate opening doors and staying home as 'I love you'?

If you're not happy with something that your partner has done, do you discuss it with them, or do you just assume that by banging doors and ignoring them that they will understand not only that they've done something to upset you, but also that they will know exactly why it is you're upset with them?

Much of what is said, or done, can be misinterpreted by someone else.  What seems clear to you, because you're focusing on the issue, might not be clear for someone who isn't even thinking about it.  Not understanding this means that the situation goes from bad to worse because one person thinks their feelings are not being respected, and the other person has no idea what they've done but is probably aware that they've done something!

Clear communication every time is difficult, but if you want your relationship to last, then you need to make an effort to ensure that your partner is always aware of how you feel about a situation.  If your relationship is important to you, then you always need to clarify that your partner knows exactly how you feel.  Don't accept something so that you don't hurt their feelings - like eating something you hate for example, just to please them - it's better you tell them the truth or you'll be living with that (and eating it) from now until eternity!  If you disagree about something, it doesn't have to be an argument - discuss your opinions and respect each others' right to hold a differing opinion.  If you aren't happy with something, discuss it, don't let it fester until it becomes a serious issue.  And if you love your partner - tell them - don't just assume that they know.

2. Honesty/Trust

Any relationship that's a little lacking in the honesty department is going to be under a strain.  Your partner needs to trust that whatever you tell them, it's the truth.  Whilst you don't want to walk into landmine questions such as the honest response to 'do I look fat in this?' type questions, you can field them with saying that they look much more sexy in another outfit (identify one or they'll know you're sinking!).

Trust issues create cracks in many relationships and so if your partner knows that you are honest with them, then any insecurity in the relationship should disappear.  This means that anyone trying to cause mischief in the relationship by suggesting that something is happening between your partner and someone else is going to be dismissed for the trouble-making that it is, and therefore ignored.

At the start of your relationship, make an honesty pact that if either of you is having a problem with the other, and it's serious enough to have you consider breaking the relationship, then you'll discuss it and see if it can be fixed before you do anything else.  Make sure that you are both confident in each other - don't forget, if you're not being completely honest, why should you think that your partner is honest with you?  If you maintain the integrity of your relationship it stands a much better chance of surviving.

3. Respect

Although respect is something that you are taught to do with your elders, it's something that ought to come naturally to you when you are dealing with your partner.   Any relationship where one partner disrespects the other is doomed for failure.

Respect doesn't just mean listening without interrupting when someone is speaking - although that should still hold true.  In a relationship, respect means that you don't always get what you want.  Sometimes you have to respect your partner's wishes.  As a couple, you need to respect that each other has to be considered in every major decision you make, before you make it.

Although it respect in a relationship should cover things like not having the television too loud when your partner is trying to sleep or has a headache, it really means that you are always considerate to how they will feel about something.  You don't argue publicly with them, or do something to embarrass them.  You never speak out against them or allow someone else to do so without saying something in their defense.  Respect in a relationship is about being considerate to your partner's feelings and opinions, and wanting them to be seen in the most positive light.

Although there are many other qualities that a perfect relationship needs, love being one of the most important of these, it is these three that are the glue which will hold any relationship together through any crisis that occurs.  Build your relationship on honesty, mutual respect and good communication, and you are building it on a firm foundation that should prove unshakable.

Respect, as it applies to people, is defined as a feeling of esteem for a person.  This feeling is generally a result of a person's achievements.  While all people deserve respect, it is an unfortunate fact that many people do not receive the respect that they deserve.  There are several ways however that you can put yourself in a situation where you will begin to receive the respect that you deserve.  In general the keys to demanding respect and getting it are treating others with respect, treating yourself with respect, conveying a sense of confidence, not being afraid to make decisions and dressing appropriately.  These key factors will help you to gain the respect you deserve.

If you expect others to treat you with respect, one of the first steps you must take is to begin treating others with respect if you aren't already doing so.  If you have a disrespectful attitude towards others it will be difficult for them to feel respectful towards you.  Treating others with respect demonstrates that you are worthy of respect yourself because it shows that you are capable of holding others in esteem.  If you do not give others their due respect, many people will see you as a person who is not compassionate of others and not willing to understand the value of others.  Many bosses will try to demand respect by being authoritative with their subordinates.  While authority is a characteristic that commands respect, this is often taken too far and if the boss does not recognize the employees achievements the employee will most likely be resentful of the boss and not feel respectful towards him.  On the other hand a boss that maintains an authoritative air while also being supportive of his employees and willing to listen to their ideas will gain the respect of his employees.

Treating yourself with respect is another key element to receiving respect from others.  Self respect is seeing yourself for your innate worth and acting accordingly by treating yourself with esteem.  It's important to treat others with respect but by the same token you must also treat yourself with respect.  While self-deprecating humor may be your way of coping with your perceived inadequacies this type of behavior demonstrates to other that you do not feel you are truly worthy of their respect.  In order to gain the respect of others you must first treat yourself with respect.

Confidence also inspires a sense of respect.  Being confident, without being arrogant, is a sign that you know your abilities and past performances are worthy of respect.  Knowing that you are a highly capable person and not being afraid to let others know this is another way to demand respect and get it.  Exercise caution with using confidence to command respect though.  Over confidence may have the reverse effect and result in you not receiving respect.  Knowing your abilities and being confident in yourself will go a long way in ensuring that you earn the respect of those around you.

Decision making is another aspect that could be a determining factor in whether or not those around you respect you.  This goes along with confidence in that if you are sure of yourself you will not hesitate to make the right decisions in any situation.  An ability to make decisions without wavering or being unsure of yourself will inspire confidence in those around you.  While it's important to seek advice and counsel from others, if you are in charge of a situation the decision is ultimately yours to make.  If you make valid decisions without showing signs of doubt you will be respected for your ability to take a stand and act on what you believe is right.

Dressing the part is also very important in earning the respect of others.  While casual clothing may be acceptable in many work places you will find that those who are in a position of authority and command respect often dress less casually than those who are not well respected.  While your clothes are not an accurate indication of your abilities others around you may jump to conclusions based on your appearance.  While this is a sad fact of life, it's important to acknowledge that this does exist in society and take care to always convey a professional appearance.  Doing so will help you to earn the respect of your friends and colleagues as well as your employer.

Perhaps the most important factor to understand about respect is that, in most cases, it is not given automatically by others but that it must be earned.  You can earn the respect you deserve by treating yourself and others with respect, being confident and unafraid to make important decisions and dressing in a way that shows that you have respect for yourself.  All of these aspects will help to ensure that you are not only demanding respect but also getting it.